My Thoughts on being home...and returning home?

Soo..it was soo wonderful going home eventhough i was tired for a few days upon returning! But i just realized that there truly is NO WAY i could stay here another year unless I truly felt the Lord really tugging at my heart to stay...

so the surprise for my mom went like this..(dont worry i wont bore you with all of them..just the best one!)...my dad had made her a wee sign that Read..happy birthday Debs..i love you! and it had a string on it...so apparently i was suppose to wear it around my neck..haha!...anyhow..it took us THREE hours to get home from the airport and my mom was in quite a panic..haha...but what a surprise she got..so my dad went in one door and i rang the bell for the other..she opened the door and there i was..she was soo shocked and surprised...and it was wonderful..all i could do was smile and hug her...and i just wanted to cry becuase it felt sooo good to be held like that...And i get teary eyed just thinking about that...and then again when i hugged her to leave..i just smelled her as long as i possibly could ..trying to capture her scent and her hug...don't think it will last too long..so mom COME HERE ALREADY!..buy that ticket!...

anyhow..the big question while i was home was...ARE YOU HAPPY THERE?..will you ever be coming back to the states??...is it everything you thought it would be...and the answers to those are....(in order)...i dont know?..YES?..and NO?....Am i happy here..I am tired and lonely and just wonder sometimes why it is that i am here..what am i really DOING here?...i have soo many unanswered questions...and the thing is...i mean I have my good moments and my bad moments....isn't that how every job is?...i just think its such a challenge working for a church and feeling as though church is my job..socializing is my job...not my choice?

When i came back I realized I needed to change things and really put even more of myself into my job because the more I put in the more I will get out..I had been slightly discouraged because i just feel as though people are not very intentional with me...and don't take the time to really KNOW me, but then i realized it works both ways and do I really take the time to be interested in people? So this past week has been soo very great, and i have been meeting loads of new people and meeting with old (not in age) people..and I just have a different attitude, and maybe its because Bekah comes in just a few days..YAY!...but I just think I see this year differently and maybe through fresh eyes...