OKAY SO LUCKY YOU HUH???

another blog entry from me…I’ll try not to make it as long as the other! But I suppose you have the choice whether you want to read it or not …right?
So we had another retreat and to be honest I was a bit reluctant at first to go…but I soon realized that it was exactly what I needed..so the retreat was in Cushendun and we stayed at a place called Cave house and you literally drive through a cave to get to the house!
We arrived at night and I was completely shattered…I just felt as though I hadn’t really calmed down and I needed to rest my spirit…I have been feeling utterly exhausted and it truly affects every facet of my life

So our first night we talked a bit about spiritual warfare…which I truly believe in, but I think often I don’t look to myself and wonder how the Devil hits me, where he hits me..and it’s with my strength and being tired…

I have also been feeling a bit overwhelmed at church and at babies and toddlers, which is a group I am involved in on Tuesday mornings…its basically a playgroup for the kids and the mothers are there…anyhow..i want to know people..i want to introduce myself but frankly I don’t even know where to start..sometimes I wonder if I can last a whole year and I know I can if I don’t rely on my own strength…

I need to stop comparing myself to other people and just see myself just as I am. The Lord called me here and I answered that call…now I just really need to allow Him to work in my life…
What else..DISCIPLINE…that’s something I really need to work on…discipline with God, with sleep and even with food..(I think I have been eating WAY too much I feel sick sometimes…but I just cant say no to the desserts and the biscuits!!)…and I think I have gone far too long without discipline…to me discipline means making choices and choosing not to do something…not to have something..and that’s hard for me because im sooo selfish, but I also need to demonstrate that nothing has a hold on me..only God!

So one of the exercises for the retreat was to pick a word from a huge list of words that describe God…as the Father…and we talked about the statement God makes in Isaiah about who He is…I am who I am..no one defines me..I AM..i don’t have one single name..i have many names..
So one of the words or phrases that really resonated with me was the phrase …God who sees me…this simply reminds me that God sees me as me…as how I am right now…how I have been in the past and who I will be in the present..people may see me as they want to see me…how they wish I would be, or who they hope I am and hope to be..

God defines me..I do have one name, but I also have multiple names that come with different roles…daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, child of God..and these names and roles also define me, but ultimately being a beliver in Christ is what really defines me!

God who sees me….He sees the depths of my heart and soul..He knows my intentions and my thoughts…He knows when I fall and when I rise

So then I think…what defines people who don’t believe in something other than themselves?..is it money, their job, family, or even other people?

God who sees me…He sees what it is I may struggle with…He sees what it is that may keep me from fully embracing Him…He sees my doubts and my fears, and from Him I can hide nothing…I have no secrets. Do I wish I did? Is he pleased with me right now? Frustrated…disappointed? Satisfied? AM I truly honoring God with every little thing I do? Am I proclaiming His righteous name wherever I go? Do I give His name glory or do I taint it?

I must step out and do things I do not want to do…things that may not be comfortable because a life of following Christ is not one of comfort or peace...it is a life of transformation, change and sacrifices…

So that’s me for now…I could go on…and on ..and on…but I won’t! But I do promise to keep you a bit more updated rather than overwhelm you with blog entries…especially multiple blog entries!!….anyhow…I am doing well and I think I would be dying if Laura and Peter weren’t here…soo..thank you Lord for allowing me to have them here with me this next year…