okay so i have arrived..but i wrote this little note en route to Ireland...

Well it's official...I am on my way to Newark and then onto my final destination..DUBLIN! Sitting here at the airport, waiting to board my flight...finally made it here after prolonging the inevitable, and emotional goodbye with my father...how do you begin to say goodbye?? How do you begin to simply walk away? I can NOT believe I am truly doing this...and this dream that I had to return to Ireland is finally come true..is it still my dream? I would really like to say yes...but right now I feel a little ambivalent..and a little reluctant! I must say I hate goodbyes...and I truly don't do well with them...unless I know I will see the person again soon! And these goodbyes were tough ones...I just love everyone soo much and even though I was just gone for 3 months..just a few months ago...I truly do not think the goodbyes get easier as time goes on...

I spent my last night with the Cristy Carner Salon adults and kids...(anjanette I put that in just for you..so you better read this!) and it was soo wonderful..truly wouldn't have wanted to spend my last night doing anything else (Mom don't take that personally!!!!) such good friends, so many encouraging words, so many laughs, and truly so much love! It was hard to walk away from there..and all those amazing women...but I had to..so i did..and eventually had to say my goodbye to Bekah..and the goodbye was fine, but i was a mess as soon as i got into my car, shut the door and drove away...oh man..and then my grandparents stopped over to say goodbye..and they are such amazing people..and such a blessing in my life!

So then comes today...the long awaited DAY! and it started off like this...woke up at 6:29 to my mother informing me that I should wrap the bottle of hot sauce I bought Peter in another bag..and that my hairdryer wouldn't work in Ireland because the wattage is too intense...so i should bring hers...I simply informed her that my alarm was going to go off in ONE minute and maybe she should have waited till then to tell me...haha..oh the things this woman thinks about..sometimes i wonder if she ever sleeps!!

So then eventually I was able to zip up my extremely enormous bags..said a quick and tearful goodbye to my mom...and my dad and I were on our way to the airport...left at about 7:45 and got to Seatac at like 9. There was no line AT ALL, we whisked right through! So for those of you planning on traveling anytime soon...I think the whole airport situation has gotten a lot better, or maybe its because I was traveling during the week. So keep in mind my flight wasn't leaving until 11:53..so what was I going to do for HOURS! My dad and I got some coffee at starbucks and just enjoyed the last few hours we had together. We got a call from my grandma...and she just said she wanted to pray for me..she couldn't believe she forgot to pray for me! And while she was praying for my spirit and asking for the Lords blessings over me...my heart was truly bursting, and I just felt soo overwhelmed! AS soon as i got off the phone my dad asked what that was all about..and I just said..she didn't pray for me last night...and I just started crying and he said..well she could have done it now..and i said..(in between sobs) ..she just did!! How amazing that was...

Finally the time came for me to walk through the check in screening..and HOORAY I made it through with my bags and I didn't have anything that wasn't allowed...so here I am..sitting in an airport chair...looking longingly out the window...trying to take it all in..and save to memory all that my memory can hold...my father said that Ireland may have the same special place in my heart that Hawaii has in his..(for those of you don't know..my fahter LOVES Hawaii and everything about it...) and ya know what..I think he is right..when I was there two years ago..i was sooo very sad to leave the country! I knew I would be back before even having left the place because I felt the tug at my heart...I felt a longing for this place, this country, before I had even fully experienced the country and all that it has to offer...

so as I sit here..waiting to board my first flight of the day..I am reminded of all that I leave behind. My mom wrote me a little love note..and she said something in there that will forever stay with me..."our loss is another person's gain...(sorry mom hope you don't mind me putting that in here!) and that's soo true even for me...you have to let something go..say goodbye to someone or something in order to gain something else! At least that's how I see it, and that's how I see this experience..in order for me to grow into the person the Lord truly wants me to be..I have to let go of the comfortable, temporary things and grab hold of him and the permanent things! This experience will truly be a test of my strength..spiritual, emotional and physical strength..

OKAY ..so my first flight completed...now onto my second one..which actually turned out to be a bit delayed..but life goes on right? so as I sit here at my gate..I am reminded of the fact that I AM GOING TO BE THE MINORITY!!!..people are going to be saying that I have an accent..an AMERICAN one..I look around at the people who will be on my flight..and they are going home...while I am going into the unknown..and its interesting how (peter don't get mad!) but they just look European..they look like they are from Ireland..from a different country..I truly can NOT explain it..maybe it's the hairstyles, maybe it's the way they carry themselves..but then all these assumptions are confirmed once I hear them speak..and then I realize..WOW...I love American accents (not irish ones..but American ones!!, i mean i love irish ones too..but im going to really grow to love american ones)...and I love the fact that I will have Americans in Ireland with me..and when I want to hear an American's voice, I won't have to look too far to find one. Oh the simple things we take for granted..an understanding..a mutual understanding of ones country, values, beliefs..all of these things I will be defending next year..all of these things will be questioned next year..

Well don't get me wrong...i am soo very excited for this adventure..for this journey..for this experience..and I am at peace. I know this is where I am suppose to be heading, but it's the getting there that is tough right?...it's the packing up of my life..of my things...of my family...my friends..and walking away into something different...its like Kelly Clarkson's song..BREAKAWAY..

and she sings...Grew up in a small town and when the rain would fall down I'd stare out my window..dreaming of what could go and if i'd end up happy ..i would pray..trying not to reach out..but when I tried to speak out I felt like no one could hear me and I wanted to belong here but something felt so wrong here..so I prayed I could breakaway...I'll spread my wings and ill learn how to fly..I'll do what it takes till i touch the sky..ill take a risk, take a chance, make a change and breakaway..out of the darkness and into the sun..but I won't forget all the ones that I love..

and i think..thats MY SONG!!..just felt like i had to leave....had to take a risk and make a change..and just breakaway from the mold that i had started to create for myself....so here I am..anyhow..keep up on reading my blog..I am telling you now that I am going to be really good at updating you all via this thing..and since I have my own computer I really have no excuse!!...